I have been "passed over" for relationships, jobs, family, good health, and friendship for almost two decades. Every attempt to take a step forward in my situation leads to two steps backwards...or so I thought. The past two years have been some of the darkest and most enlightening years of my life. After moving to Georgia for a Latin teaching job, I quickly became sick with a 3-month long migraine which caused me to have to quit teaching again. However, little did I know that I was needed at home in North Carolina. Both of my maternal grandparents were diagnosed with cancer and placed in Hospice at the same time. They could not care for themselves, so I became their daytime caregiver. After my grandmother passed, I moved into the house with my grandfather. We had always been kindred spirits, but the last year of his life was exceedingly special to me. He and I had many adventures together, told each other stories, dabbled in art, shared books, and had many conversations on religion, history, and the importance of each in one's life. After growing so close to him, I was devastated when he passed on to his Tiny House in Heaven. However, I knew that he was no longer in pain and that life goes on long after we return to dust.
I soon learned that I had my own health concerns with which I had to live. I was diagnosed with Lupus and Occipital Neuralgia along with my Chronic Daily Migraines, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and everything that those illnesses entail. It was time to find my way back into the world from which I had retreated two years earlier. Since then, I have found new friends, reacquainted myself with old ones, engaged in art, began keeping a bullet journal, started reading the Torah along with various books everyday, applied for online teaching positions, and am enrolled in a class to learn how to teach gifted students online. I am also a freelance marketing director for a local business. I have been biding my time and trying to live my best life with debilitating illnesses.
This Passover was one of the first that I have celebrated entirely on my own. I have seen it with new eyes and a new found dedication. I have been bereft of leavening for almost 6 years as I struggled with my lot in life. But, the Lord has now given me manna from Heaven to allow me to subsist until I cross into the land that was meant for me. I can see it just over the Horizon There will be struggles, battles, famine, and feasts, but it will all be mine for the taking. All I have to do is embrace it as it comes to me and live each day to the best of my ability.
