In the past year, I have lost almost 75 lbs. (shrinking almost 4 sizes), been hospitalized twice for depression, became vegetarian (September 2009), began tutoring Latin again, starting dating, applied to graduate school, reclaimed my religion, and have actually started “looking ahead.” Then it happened. I was used by a man who stole my car, money, and belongings while I was sick and only trying to help someone else who seemed down on his luck. Then, my best friend of 6 years got married and I learned of it via a social networking site. I was not good enough for either of these men, and I let it hurt me. I now hurt deeply.
However, I cannot allow myself to float down into that dark abyss any longer. I need to carry on with my life and go forward. Dwelling on negative events gets us nowhere. I guess that I will keep repeating that until I actually feel the affirmations working. I am going to have to get “where I live” and remodel. Yes, remodel for my own good. I need to cut the crap, throw away things that are garbage and only leave negativity, take a positive stance for myself, and conquer the loneliness and worthlessness that hovers like a black cloud. I don’t know where to begin, and it may take me a week of list-making in order to figure that out for myself.
Luckily, I have 2 new friends who share in my illnesses and a sister that needs me as much as I need her. I would rather have that handful of friends than all of the acquaintances in the world! Hopefully, they will help me achieve stasis and keep me busy in my time of need just as I have done and will continue to do in theirs.
Please help me figure out where to begin the change!