"Passover" Me

Tonight was the first time that I thought about this blog in years.  It seems that I have been in a state of "Passover" for almost 6 years now instead of just 7 days.  I have had time to think and reflect on life as I have lived it, and I have come to the conclusion that I, like the Israelites, have been wandering through the desert longing to see the Promised Land.

I have been "passed over" for relationships, jobs, family, good health, and friendship for almost two decades.  Every attempt to take a step forward in my situation leads to two steps backwards...or so I thought.  The past two years have been some of the darkest and most enlightening years of my life.  After moving to Georgia for a Latin teaching job, I quickly became sick with a 3-month long migraine which caused me to have to quit teaching again.  However, little did I know that I was needed at home in North Carolina.  Both of my maternal grandparents were diagnosed with cancer and placed in Hospice at the same time.  They could not care for themselves, so I became their daytime caregiver.   After my grandmother passed, I moved into the house with my grandfather.  We had always been kindred spirits, but the last year of his life was exceedingly special to me.  He and I had many adventures together, told each other stories, dabbled in art, shared books, and had many conversations on religion, history, and the importance of each in one's life.  After growing so close to him, I was devastated when he passed on to his Tiny House in Heaven.  However, I knew that he was no longer in pain and that life goes on long after we return to dust.

I soon learned that I had my own health concerns with which I had to live.  I was diagnosed with Lupus and Occipital Neuralgia along with my Chronic Daily Migraines, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and everything that those illnesses entail.  It was time to find my way back into the world from which I had retreated two years earlier.  Since then, I have found new friends, reacquainted myself with old ones, engaged in art, began keeping a bullet journal, started reading the Torah along with various books everyday, applied for online teaching positions, and am enrolled in a class to learn how to teach gifted students online.  I am also a freelance marketing director for a local business.  I have been biding my time and trying to live my best life with debilitating illnesses.

This Passover was one of the first that I have celebrated entirely on my own.  I have seen it with new eyes and a new found dedication.  I have been bereft of leavening for almost 6 years as I struggled with my lot in life.  But, the Lord has now given me manna from Heaven to allow me to subsist until I cross into the land that was meant for me.  I can see it just over the Horizon   There will be struggles, battles, famine, and feasts, but it will all be mine for the taking.  All I have to do is embrace it as it comes to me and live each day to the best of my ability.

Homecoming Hullabaloo

Tomorrow I set out for my excursion to New Orleans for the first time in 4 years.  I have to admit that I am very excited about venturing once more to The City Beneath the Sea.  You, see, although I was not raised there, I am a New Orleanian through and through.  I dream in purple, green, and gold.  I bathe in the Mississippi.  I crave bread pudding and king cake.  I dance to the zydeco music playing in my head.  You get the picture...  The fact is that I wanted to get away from North Carolina (where I never really belonged) for college, and I landed in the City that Care Forgot.  Home, sweet home, at last.

I lived in New Orleans throughout college, and when I got sick, I returned there hoping that the hot, humid weather of the city I loved would heal me.  My adopted Jewish family took me in with wide arms once again (no longer referring to me as a Shabbos Goy) and I was steeped in love, wisdom, spirit, and the laissez faire attitude that one can find only in New Orleans.  Unfortunately, my little dream ended with a hurricane named Katrina.  Although I had ventured back to North Carolina only to finish my education, my home was in New Orleans.  However, it both burned and flooded in the hurricane to end all hurricanes.  My family was displaced for a year, and I have only been back a handful of times since.

Tomorrow will be the first time back in 4, count them four, years.  And it is not to see the remains of my devastated home, but a rather jubilant affair: the Bar Mitzvah of the younger boy of my adopted Jewish family.  So, my homecoming will be in the form of tears and revelry.  It is weird (and eye opening!) to know that a child whom you are old enough to have had yourself is now becoming an adult!

Although I will only be there for about 3 days, I plan to suck the marrow out of that city.  I will take tons of pictures, baptize myself in the splendor of the occasion, shop until my feet are sore, kiss my family until my lips hurt, eat until I have had my fill (soul and stomach), and basque in the glory of the city I love.  I will take every bit of lagniappe that I can get and make it into a collage that only an artist can truly appreciate.

Home is calling, and I am coming... if only for a little while.  Sometimes you need to go home again, just to feel that you are connected to something greater than yourself.  And New Orleans...she is certainly great.